Thursday, July 17, 2008

Out of the mouth of My Babe

Good Morning to all:) It started out as a pleasant enough morning here in hot sunny Dallas. I woke up around 7 or so , got dressed and went out to mow our backyard. I was going along my merry way when all of a sudden my right ankle burned a bit , I looked down and low and behold there wasn't one single fire ant on my leg, there were about a million swarming all over my shoe and up my leg. I screamed. Like a girl. because I am a girl. tore my shoes off, threw them down, and ran as best I could into my house screaming the whole way because I didn't quite get them all knocked off my leg. I got a wet dish towel and started wiping my legs down and swatting if I found one straggling to live. Got them all off, woke Nicole up in the process of yelling like a girl, ran in the bathroom, ripped my clothes off and hopped into the shower.
Hope your morning started out better:))

Ok, before I get into interesting and funny stuff that has come out of Nicoles mouth over the years, first, I thought I'd start you off by telling you to click HERE, and get a good guffaw going.

-- When Nicole was in pre-k, our routine when got out of school at 11 am was to go home, eat lunch and then take a walk to the mail boxes down the road. One day I got a sample of tampons in the mail. Since it was her job to carry the mail back home she had a fun time looking at the pretty blue pearlesent (sp?) tiny box , desperatly wanting to know what was in it. When I looked in it and verified to myself what it was I sort of explained to her 4 yr old mind what it was. No more questions. That was it. I thought...
The following conversation ensued the next day after lunch...

Nicole: mommy, I saw my gina.
me: wha? huh?
Nicole: I saw my gina lastnight. You know mommy, where the pantons go.
me: (desperately trying to keep a straight face) and just how did u see your gina?
Nicole: I took your mirror out of your drawer and took it in the bathtub with me.
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This conversation took place when she was about 4 1/2-5yrs old and was on a baby brother/sister kick.

Nicole: mommy, when am I going to have a baby brother or sister?
me: probably never
Nicole: why? all my friends at school are getting them... I want one
me: well honey, you know that medicine that mommy takes every night? well that means I'm not going to have another baby.
Nicole: well then, I'll just go throw your pills away, then I'll get a baby brother or sister because I really want one!
me: well, the doctor told mommy after you were born to not have any more babies so please don't throw mommy's pills away.

(Immediately after saying that I took off into my bathroom and got my pills and hid them where she couldn't even try to reach them).

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While were standing in line at the DMV for our license tags:

Nicole: ( adamantly staring at the hippy-like couple standing behind us in line - she looks at the lady and pipes up - very loudly)
Is that your man?

When the couple heard her and busted out laughing at how cute she was , I wanted the floor to swallow me. Then even louder than the fist time, she asked me
Mommy, is that her man?
I told her yes and to bequiet, and thankfully the lady at the window called us up.
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When she was around 2-3 years old my parents used to watch her in the evenings, because Chris and I wereon like 2nd shift and got off very late.
One night I went to pick her up and my dad was mad. He asked me what I let that child watch on T.V. I was like, um, Barney, Sesame Street and stuff. Why?
My mother couldn't stop laughing by this time. I asked her what had happened to make daddy ask me that question. She told me that Nicole was playing with her toddler ironing board and placemats and iron and stuff. She was making dinner for her grandma and papa.
She had all the stuff spread out on her ironing board like a table and loudly asked
Ok, who wants a condom??
Seems like my father ignored her, and my mother tried hard to keep a straight face and just answered they weren't hungy right now. My mom quickly got her interested in something else.

I have to explain why she asked that so you don't bombard me with comments on how I shouldn't have been teaching my 3 yr old about condoms. I had just gotten the 10 best episodes of FRIENDS on VHS. For my birthday. Nicole didn't get most of the jokes but laughed when I did and always wanted to watch the Monica tapes. That is probably where she heard the word condom and creatively tried to use it in a sentence:)) Wasn't she a smart little girl?:))
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K, now that I have totally embarrased her if she ever reads this I have to ask that you go visit Hallie today. She has just found out some news about her beloved Schmoopy and needs lots of love and hugs and prayers sent her way.

Hope everyone else has a great day!


Also , go check out Noble Pig's blog, she is into good wine and good food. She is a self proclaimed potato ho. She even wants to know your potato ho name - you take your pets first name and put it with your middle name, so my potato ho name is Cooper Lee. Sounds like a perfect stripper name does it not?


4 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Thanks for the hugs and prayers request. We can certainly use them.

You're the best.

Hallie :)

Laura ~Peach~ said...

if you take straight bleach and put on the fire ant bites it helps take the sting out... they always make me ill... and we have them bad here! Hope you are ok!
HUGs Laura

noble pig said...

Hey Cooper Lee...I think it sounds good!

Michelle said...

Oooooo, I HATE fire ants. I've only run into them once when I was a child in AZ. It was quite the miserable experience, literally burned into my memory. I don't envy you the start to your morning at all. Here's hoping the rest of your day went better!