Monday, November 9, 2009

You Know You're a Nurse When...

( This was e-mailed to me by my Aunt Betty. Although I was not a nurse, I was a Medical Assistant, and worked in a hospital, I understand these perfectly!!!)

1) the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to save your ass, not
kiss it!"

2) you occasionally park in the space with the "physicians only" sign...
and knock it over.

3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill
them.

4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid.

5) you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications
on them.

6) you believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the
call light.

7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse" causes it to get worse
just to show you it can.

8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.

9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is
a cool one.

10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.

11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of
birth control.

13) you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve
earrings say "I'm afraid of
shots."

14) you've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level.

15) you've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker
and to call if they need help.

16) your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

17) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.

18) you believe that not all patients are annoying ... some are
unconscious.

19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you
because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside
down x-rays.

20) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.

21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest.
Soon.

22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to
you.

23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.

25) you believe in the aerial spraying of prozac.

26) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.

27) you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.

28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the
phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?

29) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I
have no idea how that got stuck in there."

30) you've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh
uncontrollably.


Well, I hope that gave you a giggle to start your Monday off with! Hope everyone had a great weekend 'cause its back to the grindstone!





5 comments:

Flea said...

These are great! And yes, I totally get a lot of them. Gah!

Cookie said...

Funny! My mom's a nurse. I hated when she would talk about gross things during meals.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

oh yes absolutely!!!!!

Chris H said...

Makes me glad I am not a nurse somehow!

Michelle said...

I've never been a nurse but sadly, even I can relate to many of these. Poor nurses!